My wild soul had a moment where I thought I was ready to settle down, maybe start a family, and tame my nomadic urges. But now, since the love has practically vacated my once strong relationship, I wonder if those thoughts were only delusions. When I see children at the doctors office, or families at the park, I no longer feel that maternal urge to procreate. Perhaps I'm not meant to settle down and have children. At least, I know that I'm not ready just yet. I can't imagine giving my life to a child. It may sound harsh, but I just can't see it. I know, and believe, that there is no love greater than a childs love, but I need to find and love myself first. How could I be capable of giving it to someone else if I don't know myself enough to respect and love myself. Maybe it's part selfishness, but it's more of me being honest with myself. The pressures of todays society, to settle down with a husband and children used to affect me, but I have found a sense of contentment in the idea that it may not be in my stars. I want to want those things, to want a family of my own, a stable and secure life. Unfortunately, because of personal experiences, I have practically lost all faith in people and it scares me to bring children into such an unstable environment. The traveling bug has been gnawing at me again, I feel the need to get back out there. I'm not finished experiencing the world and all that it has to offer. I'm a little scared to leave the familiarity of my current life, and I know I will miss some aspects of it, but I'm not sure that is reason enough to stay around. I feel as though I am missing out on life; as though I am wasting my youth. I have given too many years to unhappiness and confusion, it is time to find happiness and strength. It's not an easy step, but it's one that needs to be taken. I deserve to find myself, and exhaust my passion; to be happy. Who knows who I will become, where I'll end up, or how I'll get there, but I'm looking ahead and I'm excited to see where my map will take me.
2 opinionated responses:
Your post reminds me of this documentary I watched called "One Born Every Minute" it's a crew filming mother's giving birth in the UK and I swear to you , after watching that no woman would want to give birth EEKK there's no crude images or anything , but the sheer pain and trauma they go through seems horrific and unnecessary !
The one thing which scares me the most is giving birth to this child and when he/ she grows up and has no emotional connection with you would be the most devastating part of me ever. My mother always told me that love is a gamble, I think I would rephrase that and say life is a gamble. We don’t know what’s going to happen in the next twenty minutes let alone the next twenty years.
Alas sounds like such a sad way to look at life, which is way we shouldn’t dwell on the little things and just go-with-the-flow ^_^
I understand what you're saying. It is a gamble...Just gotta live it to the fullest! Enjoy each minute! Thanks for the comment! :)
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