~This Type Love~

"I want a love like me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you TYPE LOVE or me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you TYPE LOVE or hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to yourself TYPE LOVE. Or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name.

And shit-

I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely made it out of my garage.

See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder if she's dreaming about us being in love TYPE LOVE or who loves the other more or what she's doing at this exact moment or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts.
Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much when she's not there and shit, I love not knowing where this love is headed TYPE LOVE.

And check this-

I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her TYPE LOVE,
Then not have enough ink in my pen to write all the love TYPE LOVE and hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel.
And I wanna deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love TYPE LOVE.

The only difference is this is one of those real love TYPE LOVES.

And just like in high school I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying shit and then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and smell her all up in my covers TYPE LOVE.
And I wanna try counting the ways I love her then lose count in the middle just so I could start all over again.

And I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries even though they ain't really anniversaries but doing it just 'cause it makes her happy TYPE LOVE.

And check this-

I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when our numbers dial in TYPE LOVE and talk to you until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me.

I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer 'cause in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill TYPE LOVES.
And I don't want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are. I mean the lines on my palms don't give me enough time to love you as long as I'd like to TYPE LOVE.
And I want a love that makes me st-st-st-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is TYPE LOVE and I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair. Well maybe not all of the hair, maybe like I'd cut the split ends and trim my mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.

I kind of feel comfortable now so I even be fantasize about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get treated and somehow meet up again with you so I could fall in love with you in a different language and see if it still feels the same TYPE LOVE.

I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is.

-Saul Williams, This type love.
def poetry jam.

~Si Volvieras A Mi~

Como sobrevivir?
como calmar mi sed?
como seguir sin ti?
como saltar sin red?


Con ese adios tan salvaje y cruel
me deshojaste la piel
la eternidad en final se quedo
y un desierto es ...mi corazon...


Ay si volvieras a mi
encenderia el sol mil primaveras
si regresaras por mi
seria un milagro cada beso que me dieras
pero hoy te vas
y no hay vuelta atras.


Que habra despues de ti?
mas que estas lagrimas
si hasta la lluvia en el jardin
toca una musica sin fin...
sombria y tragica...


Hoy de rodillas le pido a Dios
que por el bien de los dos
algo en tu pecho se quiebre al oir
a este loco que se muere de amor...


y desataste un huracan
fuego y furia de un volcan
que no se apagar...
como olvido que fui
esclavo de ti¦ya no puedo mas...


Aaaaaaaaaay -- si volvieras a mi vida, si volvieras
si regresaras por mi
seria feliz otra vez
pero hoy te vas
y no hay vuelta atras.

~Take the damn stick already~

I give up! Finally! I don't want to, but there is nothing else I can do! You win, you can have the damn stick! I wish you would just take it and leave!

~Alejate~

Jamas senti en el alma tanto amor
Y nadie mas que tu, me amo
Por ti rei y llore, renaci tambien

Lo que tuve di, por tenerte aqui
Ya se que despedirnos es mejor
Sufriendo pagare mi error
Ya nada sera igual, lo tengo que aceptar
Ya hallar la fuerza en mi para este adios

Alejate, no puedo mas
Ya no hay manera de volver el tiempo atras
Olvidate de mi
Y dejame seguir a solas con mi soledad
Alejate, ya dime adios
Y me resignare a seguir sin tu calor
Y jamas entedere que fue lo que paso
Si nada puedo hacer, alejate

No voy a arrepentirme del ayer
Amandote y se, mujer
Por el amor aquel, por serte siempre fiel
Hoy tengo que ser fuerte y aprender

Alejate, no puedo mas
Ya no hay manera de volver el tiempo atras
Olvidate de mi
Y dejame seguir a solas con mi soledad
Alejate, ya dime adios
Y me resignara seguir sin tu calor
Y jamas entedere que fue lo que paso
Si nada puedo hacer, alejate

Alejate, no puedo mas
Ya no hay manera de volver el tiempo atras
Olvidate de mi
Y dejame seguir a solas con mi soledad
Alejate, ya dime adios
Y me resignara seguir sin tu calor
Y jamas entedere que fue lo que paso
Si nada puedo hacer, alejate

~Home To Stay~

I know you're gone
I watched you leave
I always thought
That it was me
You made it clear
With that last kiss
You couldn't live a life
With maybe's and whatif's

When every boat
Has sailed away
And every path
Is marked and paved
When every road
Has had its say
Then I'll be bringing you back
Home to stay

I have the cards you sent to me
You wrote of trains and Paris galleries
This spring you'll draw
Canals, and frescoed walls
Look how far your dreaming's gone

When every town looks just the same
When every choice gets hard to make
When every map is put away
Then I'll be bringing you back
Home to stay

And now I know why you had to go alone
Isn't there a place between

When every boat
Has sailed away
And every path
Is marked and paved

When every road
Has had its say
Then I'll be bringing you back
Home to stay

Reach out to me
Call out my name
And I would bring you back again
Today

~Overwhelming~

Overwhelming passion and lust overcome my reservations and innocence; the world no longer exists. No thoughts of sweet commitment or of any repentance.

~Danielle ~ October 2004

~Late night thoughts, day time words~

Life sure does have a way of throwing you for a loop at times. One minute you think you have it all figured out then ‘BAM’, you really don’t know the people you surround yourself with daily. It amazes me how people can claim to be someone they are not for so long, without breaking a sweat. It’s as though they truly convince themselves that they are this person who they claim to be and hide behind that shroud. That is the only explanation that I can come up with in this context. Oh, I have faith in the goodness of people, but I doubt most loyalty. Selfishness seems to have taken over the minds and hearts of so many people. I can’t explain to you about all of the betrayal I have witnessed in such a short time. Good friends betraying friends, infidelity, and disrespect. It is enough to lead one to some seriously negative thoughts or actions. Betrayal by the ones who claim to love you the most, without the opportunity of avoidance, can really tear at a person if they let it. I find myself at a loss for words a lot more nowadays. The things that people will do to others amaze the hell out of me. I’m not only talking of the things that I have gone through myself, but of what I have seen the people I love go through. It’s been a crazy ride, amusing at times… The best part is the individuals who think they are home free and safe behind the idea that their secret is secured and locked away… All I have to say to you is keep on thinking you got away with it, it’s ok…Live in your world of denial. You are who you are, and no amount of tears nor anger from either side is going to change that fact. That is one thing I can say that I have learned. The selfish ones will have their brief moments of bliss as they do what they please without regards to those who care for them… But it is they who will find themselves one day without that love and companionship once the gig is up and their friends and companions get tired of dealing with it. There is only so much forgiveness one can give. Once it is over it is over, and those who disregard others will find themselves exactly where they were running from, that loneliness that they are so scared of… Karma is a mutha and even the slickest of them eventually slip and fall in their own deep pools of disloyalty. I am not the one to judge so I won’t. To those who are getting fed up with the bull, all I can say is do what you gotta do, remove yourself from the situation and let them on their own merry little way...they will get theirs one day...all we can do is filter out those who are not good for us and appreciate those who truly deserve our love and respect…. And to those who are putting up a front, I don’t understand how you think, and I almost don’t want to. If it is worth it to you, then there is nothing anyone can say to make you realize what you did or are doing is wrong. Just keep in mind that what goes around comes back around and I can promise that the grass is not always greener on the other side and you may wake one day in deep regret and you won't be able to change it back. You made the bed, and whether it be sooner or later, you will lay in it.

~For all the boys I've once loved~

~Part 1~
we are not your mothers
you have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
yet you come to us
wounded
and half filled with promises
you can only keep half the time
trying to suckle our sense of self dry
we have become much too accustomed to empty beds and damp pillows
become much too accustomed
to waiting for our empty beds to be weighted down
with the bodies of men
heavy with the scent and the hands of other women
and we
simply wanting to be loved and to love ourselves unconditionally
simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not
play Hester Prin
place scarlet letters on our chests
become adulteresses
cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
willing to settle for less
willing to act like a little less than a goddess
willing to sleep with the enemy
men too scared to stop acting like boys
thinking we can love away their scars
so we take the lashes of the insecurities that they pour on us
and lick our wounds in quiet mourning
for the little girls we loose by the minute.
~Part 2~
you said you had a photographic memory
but apparently
you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself
and the ones you claim you love
the truth cannot be hidden
what’s clouded in darkness will always come to light, my love
you should have known that
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
i guess shit happens
i just wish it wasn’t me
and I guess it’s so much better to have loved and lost
then to never have loved at all
i know that’s some easy shit to say
but I’m still going to try and live by it
i’m still going to put my faith to rest in it
i will sleep on dry pillows now
in a bed big enough to love myself in
i will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry
and shining full of the knowledge
i am priceless
and worth nothing but honesty
i will remove the scarlet letter from my chest
and take the hand of the little girl I used to be
and say I’m sorry to her
i’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
and I will wait
for a man to come along
that can give me the truth
of how much he can really love me

~It's no accident..~

"It is no accident that you are reading this. I am making black marks on white paper. These marks are my thoughts, and although I do not know who you are reading this now, in some way the lines of our lives have intersected... For the length of these few sentences, we meet here.

It is no accident that you are reading this. This moment has been waiting for you, I have been waiting for you. Remember me."

- Duane Michals

~Andando en Huelva~

While taking one of my numerous walks that, at times, don´t stray from Avenida Andalucía, (aka Av. de cholesterol for reasons as such), I try to soak in every ounce of energy that surrounds me: The slightly strong breeze blowing my hair into my face, tempting me once again to contemplate making bald beautiful; The salty smell of the air that is occasionally overpowered by the home cooked smells escaping from the windows above that provoke a growl in my stomach; The, not so various, shapes of people partaking in their nightly jog, utilizing park benches to strengthen their abdominals or stretch their tired muscles; The loud buzz of motorbikes racing by, temporarily interrupting the chattering of people describing their daily activities to their families in a language no longer foreign to me; Families are always outside taking in the fresh night air, simply enjoying the company of their neighbors while taking a ´café con leche´ as the children play nearby; Today is a bit special, in the fact that it is the day everyone returns from ´El Rocío´. Because of this, I am blessed with the colorful sight of children still adorned in their gypsy dress. To my left, parents are strolling, baby girl at hand struggling to perfect her first steps in the outside world. Couples are everywhere, arm in arm, hand in hand, lip to lip. There is an open display of love as affection is definitely not limited to the privacy of the home. I don´t only speak of younger people paseando arm in arm, but of individuals of a vast age range. As I smile to myself, a passerby comments on my quiet observing, telling me it should be my career. His thick andaluz accent is on of the more difficult ones to decipher. I smile accordingly as I greet him. He nods with understanding and his amused eyes are accompanied with a ´sta luego as he continues on his walk. A young guy stops to call my attention, and when I look up he has a confused look on his face as he realizes he has mistaken me for someone else. This is a rare occurrence considering the fact that my blonde hair is as rare here as a stoplight in Irondale, Ohio. My thoughts are interrupted by a loud ´pop´ as someone decides to celebrate with fireworks. There is such a healthy mix of old culture and modern living here in southern Spain. The more I experience and the more time I spend here, the more I grow to love this place. This small city that I had never before knew to exist, I now happily call my home, even if only temporarily. It is a bittersweet thought really. The peace I have found here, I recently let multiply by finally giving in to the pure ´goodness´. ´Goodness´ and felicidad that I once refused to put my trust in. I now realize that if you put all of your energy into constantly watching your back to avoid the inevitable sharp and painful knives, or if you are constantly analyzing the ´what-could-happen´ thoughts of the future, you truly miss out on the amazements and pure joys that surround you in the present moment. Sitting here on this worn out bench, surrounded by a rainbow of flowers, exotic palm trees, and up-turned pines, I contemplate, not where I came from yesterday or where I am going tomorrow, but who I am now. And, you know, for once I am content with my self-given response. I have a head filled with a plethora of new information, a heart surrounded by honest love, and a body racing with indescribable passion for life and those who have entered into mine. Of course, my content heart may have little to do with this city or the people that I have met, but much more with the continuously growing knowledge of myself and what kind of woman I aspire to be. I end as the casi-full moon brightens against the sky fading into darkness. As far as Huelva goes, I can return; As far as the special people in my life, we will keep in touch; As far as mi misma, I plan to enjoy life whole-heartedly, each precious moment here on Earth that God has blessed me with.

~My favorite Shakespeare sonnet~

~Sonnet 116~
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose Worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom:
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

~Front Row~

Everyone Can't Be in Your FRONT ROW.

Life is a theater so invite your audiences carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a FRONT ROW seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships, friendships, fellowships, and even family!

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to: Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are just going downhill or just staying still??? When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?

The more you seek God and the things of God, the more you seek quality, the more you seek not just the hand of God but the face of God, the more you seek things honorable, the more you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the BALCONY of your life.

You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around! Ask God for wisdom and discernment and choose wisely the people who sit in the FRONT ROW of your life. Remember that FRONT ROW seats are for special and deserving people and those who sit in Your FRONT ROW should be chosen carefully.

Everyone Can't Be in Your FRONT ROW.

~Exhaust each moment~

We've all heard it: "Don't take life for granted. Live each moment as it were your last. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Etc..." And we may even live by it for a few days after something devastating happens to remind us...But how many of us forget after a few weeks?! I know I am guilty of it, and I'm ashamed of this. Here God has blessed me with another beautiful day of health and life, and I take it for granted again. That snap back to reality can be brutal. We all need to just take one short moment to sit back and feel the air filling our lungs. We are spoiled with the riches of life. It's almost an embarrassment when we think about all we have and here we are still complaining about one thing or another. If we knew we only had six months to live, our outlook would be a lot different. We would grasp life with both hands and hold on tightly to each second, of each moment, of each hour, of each day. If we knew we were going to lose someone, we would immediately run to them and tell them how much we care. Why wait?! We need to embrace the good in the world and give some of it back every chance we get. Life is beautiful and it shouldn't take a tragedy to remind us of this. I know that some negativity cannot be avoided, and that at times pessimism will get us down, but at least the goodness should be celebrated and life should be lived! Stop thinking about doing it and do it! Exhaust each moment of all you can and be grateful of what you do have rather than tiring yourself with what you don't.

~Reflection~

God does not ask for more than we can give- It is not a requisite that we should run faster than we have strength. Give freely from a joyous heart. Our cup truly does run over.

~Walkers on Being an RA~

2006 RA Banquet...These girls are hilarious!! :)