~For all the boys I've once loved~

~Part 1~
we are not your mothers
you have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
yet you come to us
wounded
and half filled with promises
you can only keep half the time
trying to suckle our sense of self dry
we have become much too accustomed to empty beds and damp pillows
become much too accustomed
to waiting for our empty beds to be weighted down
with the bodies of men
heavy with the scent and the hands of other women
and we
simply wanting to be loved and to love ourselves unconditionally
simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not
play Hester Prin
place scarlet letters on our chests
become adulteresses
cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
willing to settle for less
willing to act like a little less than a goddess
willing to sleep with the enemy
men too scared to stop acting like boys
thinking we can love away their scars
so we take the lashes of the insecurities that they pour on us
and lick our wounds in quiet mourning
for the little girls we loose by the minute.
~Part 2~
you said you had a photographic memory
but apparently
you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself
and the ones you claim you love
the truth cannot be hidden
what’s clouded in darkness will always come to light, my love
you should have known that
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
i guess shit happens
i just wish it wasn’t me
and I guess it’s so much better to have loved and lost
then to never have loved at all
i know that’s some easy shit to say
but I’m still going to try and live by it
i’m still going to put my faith to rest in it
i will sleep on dry pillows now
in a bed big enough to love myself in
i will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry
and shining full of the knowledge
i am priceless
and worth nothing but honesty
i will remove the scarlet letter from my chest
and take the hand of the little girl I used to be
and say I’m sorry to her
i’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
and I will wait
for a man to come along
that can give me the truth
of how much he can really love me